Wit & Humor PDF Print E-mail
Humor
Banta's Delusion

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," Banta replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"


Going To Heaven

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about believing in Jesus and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk he asked confidently, "And where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" they shouted in unison.
Now on a roll he asked, "And what do you have to be to get there?" "Dead!" was one boy’s immediate reply.


Father of Many

An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest.
He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it's about.
"Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks.
The Priest, being polite, responds "Well, Sir, because I'm a father."
"I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal."
"Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many."
The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren. I don't know most of their names, and still my collar isn't backwards."
The priest, agitated, slams his fist in his palm, "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!"
The elderly Jewish man, bewildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest, "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."

Confused Robber

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"
The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says, "I'm really confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"